Daycody A New Beginning

My Loneliness

Almost too many loneliess I encounter in my life, but this is natural and everybody feels the same when problems arise. For almost few weeks, I am lonely and emotional, and its my personality that I am shy and afraid to express what makes me lonely, and I always find escape and look for fun to ease what I feel. But I always want to be alone if I want to cry. Everybody thinks I am brave and smart and I don't like to let them know that I am lonely. But I know that this blog would help me to end up my loneliness as I leave them here with smile.

There's a lot of things why I am lonely. When I was in bicol, i realize that It is hard to have no communication from your love ones. I am thinking about my father what would happen after his operation and I am not just talking about my family, but also to someone I am planning to spend my whole life. Sometimes I walk all alone without telling people around me just to look for a cellular signal. When I got my signal, I received a lot of text messages, but no text from her, it might be because of expired text message. I just don't know why I am so much overreacting to myself, but I cannot tell her that I am when we talk, I am just happy just hearing her voice and nothing need to explain. I trust her so much, but the feeling is just different when I cannot talk to her, and I know she feel the same way too during I was too far from her.

For the past months, my father was diagnosed and advised to be operated, my family is not that rich to cover the expense of operation and medical. I am always thinking where to get financial support to cover those expenses. Money is not the primary problem, there is always a way to get it. But the time knowing my father will go operation, it sounds different to me. Because it is my first time to have a family member in the first degree to be operated. There's a lot of days that you would feel sad just because of thinking what will happen. I plan to just to continue with my daily routines and habits and just forget the financial problem and the operation itself. But you cannot avoid specially when it is one of your family member who is sick. There is a time that I am just silent and think what would happen. I cannot hide that I am lonely, because I look like a mad man to myself and never talk, but I want to smile and leave the loneliness alone.

Last few days, it is a day before my father will go operation. My only one told me that there might be a possibility that she cannot go home on December. I am thinking about a lot of negative things that she might not want to get marry because of some rumors about it. My mind is mixed, I am thinking about my father's operation and I am also thinking about waiting for too long. I even remember Cathy, a lady told me that we would be okay when December comes, but suddenly she changed her mind in the same month of December! while I was waiting for it. I know it wouldn't happen like Cathy, but i am still lonely because one of my family members will undergo operation on the next day and the news came in wrong time.

And lastly, I am thinking about my career. I think this is a little confidential. But this is just what I want and this would be good for me. This case is manageable. I hope people would respect me on declining some decisions and positions for many times that they want to happen that may lead to using my own time and manipulating my own body. By staying simple, I can have a lot of time to spend in other important and better things. I want to act and be natural that I want to decline, that's why I am proving that I am not qualified, even I know that I am.

Everything is mixed, I talk to my love and she told me that this is natural, I know it is natural to feel this way. And I want to write this blogpost to end up my loneliness and continue to the next level of my life. Remember that always find the answer to your loneliness. My past life gives me a lot of lessons, from broken hearts to rejections and here it comes maturity and problem solved. But those experience makes me stronger and it is natural that you will feel sad from time to time when problems arise. This is life, while we are living in this imperfect life, you will still experience this. But kill the loneliness, relax and enjoy the day tomorrow without it. Also don't forget those friends to help them in times they are lonely, this will help you to fight loneliness as you enjoy helping them to fight loneliness too.